christmas joke_christmas flight

it was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
      
      Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
      
      With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
      
      "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
      
      "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."
      
      "That's not why it's there."
      
      "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"
      
      "It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."

christmas joke_santa's a woman

i think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
      
      For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
      
      Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
      
      Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
      
      Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
      
      Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
      
       - Men can't pack a bag.
       - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
       - Men don't answer their mail.
       - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
       - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
       - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
       - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

christmas joke_gift for men

buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
      
      Rule #1:
      When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
      
      Rule #2:
      If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
      
      Rule #3:
      If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
      
      Rule #4:
      Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
      
      Rule #5:
      You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
      
      Rule #6:
      Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
      
      Rule #7:
      Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
      
      Rule #8:
      Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.
      
      Rule #9:
      Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
      
      Rule #10:
      Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
      
      Rule #11:
      Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
      
      Rule #12:
      Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
      
      Rule #13:
      It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
      
      Rule #14:
      Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

christmas joke_a perfect woman

once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course "perfect."
      
      One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a SUV) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
      
      There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
      
      Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
      
      Who was the survivor?
      
      The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
      
      So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident.

christmas joke_is there a santa?- for fun only

  1. Santa's Workload
      There are two billion children in the world, but since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Budist children, that reduces his workload to 15% of the total, or 300 million. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 85.7 million homes. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different times zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels East to West. This works out to 767.9 visits per second. So for each household with good children, Santa has about 1/1,000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the presents, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, into the sleigh and move on to the next house."
      
      2. The Time/Distance Factor
      Assuming that these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the Earth, we're talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles.
      
      3. Calculation of Estimated Speed
      This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound.
      
      4. Santa's Payload
      Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a mdeium-size Lego set (about two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as "heavy." On land, normal reindeer could pull no more than 300 pounds, and even granting that flying reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, Santa's going to need 214,200 reindeer to pull his sleigh. This increases the payload to 353,430 tons, or four times the weight of the "Queen Elizabeth."
      
      Conclusion:
      A craft of 353,000 tons, traveling at 650 miles per second, creates enormous air resistance. This will heat up Mr. Claus and his sleigh like a spacecraft reentering Earth's atmosphere.
      
      Translation:
      If there is a Santa, he's toast.

christmas joke_a gift

thanks for the electric guitar you gave me for Christmas," little Chris Cody said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."
      
      "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
      
      "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

christmas joke_star in the east

woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
      
      The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
      
      The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
      
      The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?"
      
      Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
      
      The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
      
      "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
      
      The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

christmas jokes_ a hotel is full

Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
      
      The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
      
      The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
      
      The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
      
      "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
      
      "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

Religious Beliefs. Religious beliefs and behavior pervade every part of Iban life. In their interpretations of their world, nature, and society, they refer to remote creator gods, who brought the elements and a structured order into existence; the bird-god Sengalang Burong, who directs their lives through messages borne by his seven sons-in-law; and the popular gods, who provide models for living. Iban religion is a product of a holistic approach to life, in which attention is paid to all events in the waking and sleeping states. The religion involves an all-embracing causality, born of the Iban conviction that "nothing happens without cause." The pervasiveness of their religion has sensitized them to every part of their world and created an elaborate otherworld (Sebayan), in which everything is vested with the potential for sensate thought and action. In Iban beliefs and narratives trees talk, crotons walk, macaques become incubi, jars moan for lack of attention, and the sex of the human fetus is determined by a cricket, the metamorphized form of a god.

Though the gods live in Panggau Libau, a remote and godly realm, they are unseen, ubiquitous presences. In contrast to the exclusive categories of Judaism and Christianity, "supernaturals" and "mortals" interact in all activities of importance. In contrast to the gods who are more benevolently inclined towards mortals, Iban believe in and fear a host of malevolent spirits. These spirits are patent projections onto a cosmic screen of anxieties and stresses suffered by Iban: the menacing father figure, the vengeful mother, the freeloader, and becoming lost in the forest. Iban strive to maintain good life and health by adherence to customary laws, avoidance of taboos, and the presentation of offerings and animal sacrifices.

Religious Practitioners. There are three religious practitioners: the bard ( lemambang ), the augur ( tuai burong ), and the shaman ( manang ). Individually or in teams, bards are invited to chant at all major rituals. They are highly respected men, capable of recalling and adapting, as appropriate, chants that go on for hours. The augur is employed for critical activities such as farming or traveling. The shaman is a psychotherapist who is consulted for unusual or persistent ailments.

Ceremonies. Iban rituals ( gawa, gawai ) may be grouped into four major categories: (1) one dozen major and three dozen minor agricultural festivals; (2) healing rituals, performed by the shaman, commencing in the bilik and progressing to the outer veranda; (3) ceremonies for the courageous, commemorating warfare and headhunting; and (4) rituals for the dead. Iban of all divisions perform rituals of the first two categories. Ceremonies to honor warriors have assumed greater importance in the upper Rejang, and rituals for the dead have been much more elaborated in the First and Second divisions of Sarawak.

Arts. The Iban have created one of the most extensive bodies of folklore in human history, including more than one dozen types of epic, myth, and chant. Women weave intricate fabrics and men produce a variety of wood-carvings.

Medicine. Though they have a limited ethnopharmacology, Iban have developed an elaborate series of psychotherapeutic rituals.

Death and Afterlife. Life and health are dependent upon the condition of the soul ( samengat ). Some illnesses are attributed to the wandering of one of an Iban's seven souls, and the shaman undertakes a magical flight to retrieve and return the patient's soul. Boundaries between life and death are vague, and at death the soul must be informed by a shaman that it must move on to Sebayan. Crossing "The Bridge of Anxiety," the soul is treated to all imaginable pleasures, many of which are proscribed for the living. After an undetermined period of revelry, the soul is transformed into spirit, then into dew, in which form it reenters the realm of the living by nourishing the growing rice. As rice is ingested, the cycle of the soul is completed by its return to human form. Gawai Antu, the Festival of the Dead, may be held from a few years to 50 years after the death of a member of the community. The main part of the festival occurs over a three-day period, but takes months or even years to plan. The primary purpose of the festival is to honor all the community's dead, who are invited to join in the ritual acts. The festival dramatizes the dependence of the living and dead upon each other.

Read more: http://www.everyculture.com/East-Southeast-Asia/Iban-Religion-and-Expressive-Culture.html#ixzz0YVrbIkSv

a Turkey for one?!

Lura's Uncle Roy is in Japan. He used to take Christmas dinner at Lura's home. Now he could only write her papa to say a box of gifts had been sent, and one was for his little girl. The little girl clapped her hands, crying, "Oh, mamma! don't you think it is the chain and locket dear uncle said he would sometime give me?" "No," replied her papa, reading on. "Your uncle says it is a turkey for one." "But we do not need turkeys from Japan," remarked the little daughter, soberly. Her papa smiled, and handed the open letter to her mamma. "Read it aloud, every bit," begged Lura, seeing her mamma was smiling, too. But her mamma folded the letter and said nothing. On Christmas eve the box, which had just arrived, was opened, and every one in the house was made glad with a present. Lura's was a papier-mache turkey, nearly as large as the one brought home at the same time by the market-boy. Next morning, while the fowl in the kitchen was being roasted, Lura placed hers before a window and watched people admire it as they passed. All its imitation feathers, and even more its red wattles, seemed to wish every man and woman, boy and girl, a Merry Christmas. Lura had not spoken of the jewelry since her uncle's letter was read. It is not nice for one who receives a gift to wish it was different. Lura was not that kind of a child. When dinner was nearly over, her papa said to her, "My dear, you have had as much of my turkey as you wanted; if you please, I will now try some of yours." "Mine is what Uncle Roy calls a turkey for one," laughed Lura. She turned in her chair towards where her bird had been strutting on the window-sill, and added, in surprise, "Why, what has become of him?" At that moment the servant brought in a huge platter. When room had been made for it on the table it was set down in front of Lura's papa, and on the dish was her turkey. "Oh, what fun!" gayly exclaimed the child. "Did uncle tell you to pretend to serve it?" "I have not finished what he directs me to do," her papa said, with a flourish of the carving-knife. "But, papa—oh, please!" Her hand was on his arm. "You would not spoil my beautiful bird from Japan! A hidden spring was touched with the point of the knife. The breast opened, and disclosed the fowl filled with choice toys and other things. The first taken out was a tiny box; inside was a gold chain and locket; the locket held Uncle Roy's picture. It was a turkey for one, for only Uncle Roy's niece. But all the family shared the amusement.

a christmas carol...

Master Peter, and the two ubiquitous young Cratchits went to fetch the goose, with which they soon returned in high procession.

Such a bustle ensued that you might have thought a goose the rarest of all birds; a feathered phenomenon, to which a black swan was a matter of course--and in truth it was something very like it in that house. Mrs. Cratchit made the gravy (ready beforehand in a little saucepan) hissing hot; Master Peter mashed the potatoes with incredible vigour; Miss Belinda sweetened up the apple-sauce; Martha dusted the hot plates; Bob took Tiny Tim beside him in a tiny corner at the table; the two young Cratchits set chairs for everybody, not forgetting themselves, and mounting guard upon their posts, crammed spoons into their mouths, lest they should shriek for goose before their turn came to be helped. At last the dishes were set on, and grace was said. It was succeeded by a breathless pause, as Mrs. Cratchit, looking slowly all along the carving-knife, prepared to plunge it in the breast; but when she did, and when the long expected gush of stuffing issued forth, one murmur of delight arose all round the board, and even Tiny Tim, excited by the two young Cratchits, beat on the table with the handle of his knife, and feebly cried Hurrah!

There never was such a goose. Bob said he didn't believe there ever was such a goose cooked. Its tenderness and flavour, size and cheapness, were the themes of universal admiration. Eked out by the apple-sauce and mashed potatoes, it was a sufficient dinner for the whole family; indeed, as Mrs. Cratchit said with great delight (surveying one small atom of a bone upon the dish), they hadn't ate it all at last! Yet every one had had enough, and the youngest Cratchits in particular, were steeped in sage and onion to the eyebrows! But now, the plates being changed by Miss Belinda, Mrs. Cratchit left the room alone--too nervous to bear witnesses--to take the pudding up and bring it in.

Suppose it should not be done enough! Suppose it should break in turning out. Suppose somebody should have got over the wall of the back-yard and stolen it, while they were merry with the goose--a supposition at which the two young Cratchits became livid! All sorts of horrors were supposed.

Hallo! A great deal of steam! The pudding was out of the copper. A smell like a washing-day! That was the cloth. A smell like an eating-house and a pastrycook's next door to each other, with a laundress's next door to that! That was the pudding! In half a minute Mrs. Cratchit entered--flushed, but smiling proudly--with the pudding, like a speckled cannon-ball, so hard and firm, blazing in half of half-a-quartern of ignited brandy, and bedight with Christmas holly stuck into the top.

Oh, a wonderful pudding! Bob Cratchit said, and calmly too, that he regarded it as the greatest success achieved by Mrs. Cratchit since their marriage. Mrs. Cratchit said that now the weight was off her mind, she would confess she had had her doubts about the quantity of flour. Everybody had something to say about it, but nobody said or thought it was at all a small pudding for a large family. It would have been, flat heresy to do so. Any Cratchit would have blushed to hint at such a thing.

At last the dinner was all done, the cloth was cleared, the hearth swept, and the fire made up. The compound in the jug being tasted, and considered perfect, apples and oranges were put upon the table, and a shovel-full of chestnuts on the fire. Then all the Cratchit family drew round the hearth, in what Bob Cratchit called a circle, meaning half a one; and at Bob Cratchit's elbow stood the family display of glasses. Two tumblers, and a custard-cup without a handle.

These held the hot stuff from the jug, however, as well as golden goblets would have done; and Bob served it out with beaming looks, while the chestnuts on the fire sputtered and cracked noisily. Then Bob proposed:

"A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears. God bless us!"

Which all the family re-echoed.

"God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all.

The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.
(A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?)
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time).
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!

mY citY

Located in the beautiful rolling hills of Northwest Missouri, Bethany has all the advantages of Big City life without losing touch with the quality of life only found in rural towns. Bethany is a very progressive community with a very proud past and high expectations for the future. Citizens have access to state of the art health care, jobs and education. Everything you may need for a young growing family or the golden years of life!

While visiting Bethany, you will be able to see the continual commitment for growth within our community. Take a few moments to visit our new businesses such as Bridewell, Collision Works, Camaro's, Sonic and the new expanded location of the Bethany Library to name just a few. The list of Bethany's advantages goes on and on. In the nations heartland, Bethany provides an environment that has historically nurtured, with amply recreation opportunities. From historic homes to hunting and nature hikes, people familiar with the area regard it as a good place to grow up, form lasting friendships, start a career or business, raise a family, and otherwise develop and prosper. Take a few minutes to see that Bethany is a great place to live.

The girl's name Bethany \b(e)-tha-ny\ is pronounced BETH-a-nee. It is of Hebreworigin. Possibly means "house of figs".Biblical: the name of the village nearJerusalem where Jesus stayed duringHoly Week, before going on to Jerusalemand crucifixion. From the New Testamentdescription of life in the house, the name has rather domestic, cozy connotations. The name is popular with RomanCatholics, being bestowed in honor of Mary of Bethany, sister of Martha and Lazarus. Also a variant on the combinedform of Beth and Ann. Sounds like thepopular Brittany.

Bethany has 10 variant forms: Bethanee,Bethaney, Bethani, Bethanie, Bethann,Bethanne, Bethannie, Bethanny,Betheney and Betheny.

For more information, see also related names Bethia and Devany.

Baby names that sound like Bethany are Bethan, Bethune and Bethuna.

Bethany is a very common first name for women and also a very common last name for both men and women (source: 1990 U.S. Census).

Displayed below is the baby name popularity trend for the girl name Bethany. Compare Bethany with its variant forms.

Liz Murray: from Homeless To Harvard

Elizabeth "Liz" Murray was born September 23, 1980 the Bronx, New York, to poor, drug-addicted, HIV-infected parents. She became homeless just after she turned 15, when her mother died of AIDS, and her father moved to a homeless shelter. Murray's life turned around when she began attending the Humanities Preparatory Academy in Chelsea, Manhattan. Though she started high school later than most students, and remained without a stable home while supporting herself and her sister, Murray graduated in only two years. She was awarded a New York Times scholarship for needy students and accepted into Harvard University, matriculating in the fall semester of 2000. She left Harvard in 2003 to care for her sick father; she resumed her education at Columbia University to be closer to him until 2006 when he died of AIDS. As of May 2008, she was back at Harvard working towards her degree with plans to graduate with a degree in psychology in June 2009.

Her life became a movie in 2003 and she now works as a professional speaker, represented by the Washington Speakers Bureau. That same gutsy strength that pulled her from the streets now transforms the lives of others, from student groups to business audiences in need of inspiration to overcome their own obstacles.

For aLLwHo aRe iN LovE..

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when

we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

SoMeoNe WroTe ThiS iN UPSR.. BeLieVe iT oR NoT!

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting

Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

WonDerMaTh..

1. Key-in the first 3 digit of your handphone number (not the 01x number) into the calculator

2. Multiply by 80

3. Add 1

4. Multiply by 250

5. Plus last four digit of phone number

6. Plus last four digit of phone number again

7. Minus 250

8. Divide by 2

Is it your handphone number???

OMG!!

sejak ku menjadi single beberapa bln yg lepas,
seseorg sentiasa berlegar di ruang minda ini..
xtau knp..
RINDU?
CINTA?
KAWAN?
KEBETULAN?
last night, sy b'sms dgn ex saya yg penah saya ceritakan sebelum ini.
so, we just btanya kabar..
pa keja?
cney nektok?
pekara biasa jer..
n then he ask something..
SAMBUNG!
OMG!
I dont know what to say..

must see

www.moillusions.com

...xtau nak update pasal ape...

LoVe oR JusT FrienD? (smbgan saya kini dlm dilema)

hati ini bagaikan sunyi.. gelisah..
xtau kenapa.. setiap saat fikiran ku hanya memikirkan dia..
hati tertanya-tanya kenapa dia x sms pd ku?
selalunya dia sms aku kadang2 hampir setiap hari..
AH! aku terlupa.. hubungan kami telah ku putuskan..
buat apa nak dipikirkan lagi..
tapi mengapa perasaanku masih x berubah..
masih sunyi.. gelisah..
x mungkin hati ini merinduinya..
kami hanya kawan..
kawan biasa..

******

teringat kisah kami dahulu..
keluarga dia telah kehilangan seorang ahli..
abang iparnya telah meninggal akibat kemalangan di miri..
anak buah nya(anak abang iparnya) sebaya dengan aku..
ketika itu anak buahnya yang juga merupakan kawan ku, begitu sukar untuk
menerima kenyataan bahawa ayahnya telah meninggal.
sehingga menyatakan hasratnya untuk berhenti sekolah..
namun ditentang oleh keluarga..
hal ini menyebabkan dia melarikan diri dari rumah..
namun akhirnya setelah dinasihati, dia meneruskan persekolahannya(form 5)

******

sebulan berlalu selepas pemergian abang iparnya,
kakaknya disahkan mengandung 2 bulan...
dia(bekas aku) disuruh oleh kedua ibubapanya untuk mengangkat ank itu..
dia menelefon ku(masa tue belum putus)..
dia; hai sayang
aku; hai b.. apahal?
dia; b nak tanya pendapat sayang.
aku; tanya la..

lalu dia menceritakan segala hal angkat mengangkat anak kepada ku..
ketika aku hanya berkata 'suka hati b la''syg auk saja'.
boleh dikatakan gembira aku ketika itu.. yela..
belum kawen dah ada anak..
sehinggakan aku ditugaskan untuk mencari nama bakal anak angkat kami itu

ini namanya;
lelaki - aaron danial
perempuan - aaronita dania

keluarganya pun setuju dengan cadangan ku itu..
keluarga begitu mempercayai aku padahal aku x pernah mereka temui..

******

tetapi ku sangka hujan sampai ke petang rupanya hujan di tengah hari..
beberapa bulan kemudian, kakaknya mengalami keguguran..
doktor mengatakan anak dlm kandungan itu lemas..
dan bakal anak angkat kami itu perempuan..
aku begitu sedih..

sampaikan ibunya dia menyalahkan aku kerana x melawat kakaknya
sehingga menyebabkan anak itu seperti tahu yg x berguna dia lahir di dunia
kerana menyangka dirinya xda keluarga.. kata ibu dia aku sepatutnya melawat kakaknya
supaya anak itu tahu aku bakal menjadi ibu angkat nya..

*****

sehingga kini aku masih memikirkan anak itu

bersambung

SAYA KINI DALAM DILEMA..

aduhai.. punya la sakit ati ku..
paloi punya laki..
so kitorg pun broke up..
**
beberapa bulan kemudian, xtau knp ati ku terbuka lagi untuk menerimanye..
kira2 seminggu sebelum valentine's thn nie..
ttp hatiku begitu sukar untuk menerima kenyataan yg dia adalah duda..
disebabkan perasaan itu, aku jarang sekali berhubung dgn dia dengan alasan
xda krdt/buzy/tido...
kecian dia x ku layan.. ttp dia tetap bersabar..
aku begitu bosan untuk melayannya..
**
kini perasaan ke terhadapnya hanyalah sebagai seorang abang@sahabat..
beberapa hari yang lepas, aku nekad untuk memutuskan perhubungan kami..
kerana bagiku, perbuatan aku untuk menipu perasaan ku terhadapnya akan
menyebabkan hidup kami langsung x bermakna..
dia tetap menanggap aku sebagai sahabatnya..
**
THE END...

SAYA KINI DALAM DILEMA..

**
hampir setahun kami menjalinkan hubungan..
aku terdengar berita yg tak ku sangka..
rupa2nye dia penah berkahwin..
tetapi isterinya ketika itu berlaku curang semasa perkahwinan mereka berusia seminggu..
isterinye berbangsa iban.. orang miri..
aku bgtu kecewa sehingga x lalu nak melakukan sebarang keja..
dia langsung x penah menceritakan kisah nya kpd ku..
semasa kami bergerek, dia msh lagi menunggu surat pengesahan penceraiannya..
pd usia 25 thn, sudah begelar DUDA!..

SAYA KINI DALAM DILEMA..

tgh mlm die sms aku..
ganggu org tido jak.. so aku layan la... kecian die nanti x kena layan..
dia: hyee... x ganggu ker?
me: x juga... (acah jerk)
dia: yg hal td (ex dia kepit ngan die) jgn awak mareh yer.. dia yg nak sgt kepit..me: xpe.. saye x kesah pun..
dia: so,, awak da gerek ke?
mamat nie mmg xde benda lain nak tanya ke?
me: x.. knp?
dia: saya malu nak tanya..
padahal saye tau dia nak tanya ape..
me: tanya je la.. saya x mkn..
dia: boleh awak jd teman saye?
saye buat- buat tekejut..
me: saye xtau..
dia: saye tau yg kita bru bknln.. tp saye rasa awak begitu memahami saye..
so, saye pun terima dia untuk tempoh percubaan..

***

keesokkan hari, karoling lg...
kami dibagi kpd 2 kumpulan.. saya berada dlm kumpulan abg saye.. begitu juga dia..
aduh.. segannye saye..
tetiba hujan turun.. si dia nie pun cuba melindungi saye dari hujan (padahal dia basah) dan kami berlari ke rumah seterusnya.. xtau la abg saye perasan atau x..
REDAH JER!

bersambung..

SAYA KINI DALAM DILEMA..

kini, seperti yang diketahui oleh beberapa orang kawan, saya menjalani hubungan yang boleh dikira rapat dengan seorang lelaki.. lelaki itu saya kenali kira2 2 tahun yang lalu.. dia nie boleh dikatakan baik dan mempunyai ciri2 yang baik..
lelaki ini merupakan bekas bf pada seorang pompuan yang dulu ku anggap sebagai kawan..
seingat aku, lelaki itu memutuskan hubungan mereka kerana pompuan itu berlaku sumbang di belakang nye.. lelaki itu sering menceritakan masalah nyer kpd aku dan rakan aku yang juga merupakan anak buah nyer.. umo lelaki itu 7 tahun tua dari ku..
**
tidak lama selepas perkenalan kami, lelaki itu secara tiba2 sms kepada ke.. dan aku hairan 'mane la mamat nie dapat no aku'.. rupa2nye anak buah die yg bg..
so aku pun layan sms die smpi tengah mlm..
keesokkan hari, gereja kami menjalankan karoling seperti biasa.. dan aku mencari sekeliling.. ' mane mamat nie?'.. kata rakan ku..'jgn terhegeh2 pusingkan palak kwu ya... blum gk nya smpei..'
mcm tau2 jerkk... hehe.. tiba2 dtg pula bks gf die nie.. hish potong stim betul..
**
selepas habis karoling, kami berkumpul di tempat yang ditetapkan.. x gf die nie terhegeh nak tanya apa hubungan aku ngan x bf nyer..
aku jwb ler xde ape.. muka pompuan ya bukn main masam mengalah kasam ngut2..
**
lelaki itu memandang ke arah ku.. apa lagi.. pompuan ya pun mencelah ler.. jeles konon..
TELEFON BERBUNYI! 'jangan marah yer.. pompuan nie sengaja nak sakit kan hati awak.. maaf!' kata lelaki tue.. aku hairan.. kenapa aku nak marah.. bukan aku nie gerek dia pun.. (dalam hati bukan main lagi membara gunung berapi)..
**
mlm tue, lelaki itu sms kpd ku...

bersambung..

I dOnT KnOw WhAt To SaY..

hari nie saye tak tau nak tulis ape... rutin saye mcm besa jer.. go to koir prektiz..
**
hari nie cuaca begitu panaz nak rak mampus!
**
menjelang malam... tetiba awan melepaskn hujan..
bukan setakat air hujan... dengan kerabat kazen nya
yang evil.. HAHA... ku dengar bunyi angin yg x biasa ku dengar...
ku lihat keluar.. mcm ada TORNADO! alamatnye xde meeting ler ari nie..
HAHA.. hari nie menjadi MIMPI BURUK rakyat LIMBANG yg
begitu taksub menyembah dunia. dlm fikiran mereka "ala... ribut jer"
tetapi bagi mereka yg ingat kepada TUHAN, "semua ini balasan terhadap dosa
yg kita lakukan"
**
hari ni kempen "EARTH HOUR" telah BERJAYA dilaksanakan di LIMBANG... (black out ler)
**
sbenarnye saye tulis ni oleh sebab saye xtau nak tulis ape.. HAHA.

AbOuT Me....

*****

hye.. allow me to introduce myself.. nama saya yang sebenarnya bethany.. everybody called me beybeth o just bet.. and of course i'm a female.. daaa... i was born on 8 october 1991 at sundar, lawas (a small town near brunei). saya bersekolah rendah di SJK (Cina) Chung Hwa Limbang dan sekolah menengah di SMK LiMBanG... sekarang nie bru jak abiz SPM... keputusan pun ckp2 mkn.

*****

saya nie boleh dikatakan berbakat(10% jer.. haha..) dlm bidang muzik(bg seorang amatuuuurrr...). boleh juga dikatakan aktif dlm bidang yang berkaitan muzik ms kat sekolah...

*****

sebenarnya saya tak tau mcmane nak menilai diri saya.. saya jg tak tau mcmane org menilai saya.. ada yg kata saya nie JAHAT, SOMBONG, BODOH... tp bg saya mereka menilai saya begitu mungkin sebab saya nie kurang friendly, kurang gila mcm diorang.. bkn salah saya.. cuma bapa saya didik saya untuk menjadi seorang yang kurang memalukan.. kami 4 adik beradik semua mcm tue.. semua org ckp km ni garang.. kuat marah.. MANA SAJA LAR...

*****

tp jgn takut.. saya klu dh knl orang tue, x la kuat marah.. melainkan orang tue buat hal dengan saya..

*****